How to Accept Stress
“I’m just so stressed today.”
I’ve probably said this one phrase thousands of times throughout my life. And I’m only 21. No matter how much I planned in my little bullet journal or organized each of my day to fit everything I needed to do into a bullet point list, I was always stressed. Whether it was how much work I had to do, friendship or relationship drama I had, or things were just not going my way, it was how I felt. So much so that, whenever I would greet people in passing, I would almost always follow up my “How are you?” with “God I’m so stressed this week.” I would predict the stress even before I was stressed. And that’s how it went every week. For years. I delved into the “Work hard, play hard” mindset that everybody loves in hustle culture. And it ran me to the ground.
To this day, it’s difficult not letting stress get the best of me. The major stresses that still really rack my brain are:
1) Am I on the “right” path? What if I hate myself in 10, 20, 30 years?
2) How am I going to finish all the work I need to do (whether it’s just today, for the next month, etc.)
3) Am I living up to my fullest potential? Is there more I need to be doing to feel like I am doing enough?
And many more. It’s funny; writing them down makes them seem so trivial. But these are the major themes, especially when I’m writing my personal statement for medical school or think about the hobbies I never got around to. Whenever something doesn’t completely go my way, I think about its repercussions on my future more than the average person should. I had a stress breakdown just a few days ago, and - guess what? - things turned out completely fine. After having a talk with a couple trusted people when I was at my lowest, I realized a few things.
First, you need to give yourself more credit. For me, the future can be daunting at times. What if I hate my job as a doctor? What if I don’t have time for friends and family? What if I feel like I wasted so many years doing the wrong thing? What if? But think back to all those times you stressed about being able to do all things you are currently doing at this moment. A couple years ago, I stressed about getting a good enough MCAT score. Now, I sit confidently about it. The future you that you are so scared for is more resilient, smart, and capable than you think. You are not this helpless being, but a being full of different stories and opportunities. Thinking about the stress of the future takes away from the steps you are making today to be the favorite you you can be. It’s so easy to build up this imagination of what our future selves are going to be like or how our past selves seem to haunt us, but it’s not worth stressing about imaginary things. Your present self deserves more than that.
Second, you are going to get the work done. There have been weeks where I stand before a mountain of work and to-dos, stressed about how I’m going to get it all done. But guess what? It gets done. Obviously some of us procrastinate more than others, but even procrastinators get it done (how it gets done is a bit of a different story, but you get the point). Stressing about how much work you have will only make you more anxious, more resistant. This entire last semester at UVA, I was stressed about being able to submit my primary applications for medical school. When will I find the time? How is it going to fit into my schedule? But now, here I sit, ready to submit it in a few days. A paper, a project, an exam - with time, they will all pass; it’s up to you on how you go about enjoying the time. Life is always full of work. It’s not worth being haunted by that certainty.
Third, you are doing enough. Take a fucking breather. It’s so easy to let your thoughts run wild, and usually it can amplify your views towards your shortcomings. Stress amplifies and is a result from that. Whenever I put more on plate to feel like I am doing more instead of addressing my toxic mindset at its origin, I would never feel satisfied with myself. Then the stress would pile on again. This happened whenever it was a new semester, and people would post on LinkedIn about their new internships or jobs. I would then stress apply to every job posting I saw fit just to feel like I was doing enough, when in reality it piled more work onto a platter that was already full. It’s a vicious cycle, to be constantly at war with yourself. And it hurts, a lot. To be accepting of yourself is probably one of the hardest things to do as a human being, but it doesn’t mean it should be uncommon.
“How to deal with stress” is a common clickbait title. In my opinion, I think it should be “How to accept stress (and not let it take control of you)” because that’s more representative. Stress will never completely go away - in many ways, it’s what drives us to be better people. But it can also hinder us if we constantly let it. Finding how to let stress be a positive aspect in your life is essential, especially in the era where Work From Home has blurred the lines between work and play. For me, I still need to remind myself, but that’s OK. Nothing I need to stress about.